do not date a traveler sau nu imbarliga tigani englezi

A rather popular essay these days is Don't date a girl who travels (link in Sources). Some would use the word "viral" but I'm a mysophobe (aka germaphob) when it comes to travel.

I happen to be extremely busy at the moment and this is the last thing I should be doing – perhaps that’s why I’m doing it. The original version is about not dating a girl who travels, but I happen to resonate more with the genderless version. I shall translate to make benefit great nation of Romanistan. It’s also worth noting that this seems to be in the tone of a previous do & don’t – warnke-d8, link below.

First, the adapted original (I tried to make it gender-neutral, but the original is “don’t date a girl who travels” - lts-don’t).

These people are the ones with the messy unkempt hair colored by the sun. Their skin is now far from fair like it once was. Not even sun kissed. It’s burnt with multiple tan lines, wounds and bites here and there. But for every flaw on their skin, there’s an interesting story to tell.

Don’t date travellers. They’re hard to please. The usual dinner-movie date at the mall will suck the life out of them. Their soul craves for new experiences and adventures. They will be unimpressed with your new car, your extravagant cosmetics or your expensive watch. They would rather climb a rock or jump out of an airplane than hear you brag about it.

Don’t date travellers because they will bug you to book a flight every time there’s an airline seat sale. They won’t party at the trendiest club in town. And they will never pay over $100 for the hottest DJ [original: Avicii] live because they know that one weekend of clubbing is equivalent to one week somewhere far more exciting.

Chances are, they can’t hold a steady job. Or they’re probably daydreaming about quitting. They don’t want to keep working their ass off for someone else’s dream. They have their own and are working towards it. They are a freelancers. They make money from designing, writing, photography or something that requires creativity and imagination. Don’t waste their time complaining about your boring job.

Don’t date travellers. They might have wasted their college degree and switched careers entirely. They are now dive instructors or a yoga teachers. They’re not sure when the next pay check is coming. But they don’t work like a robot all day, they go out and take what life has to offer and challenge you to do the same.

Don’t date travellers for they have chosen a life of uncertainty. They don’t have a plan or a permanent address. They go with the flow and follow their heart. They dance to the beat of their own drum. They don’t wear a watch. Their days are ruled by the sun and the moon. When the waves are calling, life stops and they will be oblivious to everything else for a moment. But they have learned that the most important thing in life isn’t surfing.

Don’t date travellers as they tend to speak their mind. They will never try to impress your parents or friends. They know respect, but aren’t afraid to hold a debate about global issues or social responsibility.

They will never need you. They know how to pitch a tent and screw their own fins without your help. They cook well and don’t need you to pay for their meals, nor will they pay for yours. They are too independent and won’t care whether you travel with them or not. They will forget to check in with you when they arrive at their destination. They’re busy living in the present. They talk to strangers. They will meet many interesting, like-minded people from around the world who share their passion and dreams. They will be bored with you.

So never date travellers unless you can keep up with them. And if you unintentionally fall in love with one, don’t you dare keep them. Let them go.

Now I have to tell you that the Romanian title/translation above is in jest. Most native English speakers know that “traveler” doesn’t mean only someone who travels, but also an Irish or English person belonging to a distinct culture, which some have linked to Gypsy / Roma. This hasn’t always been clear to me, as the meaning can be easily obfuscated.

The first time I encountered that duality was in The Saint. In this movie, to get the girl, the he(ro) resorts to an elaborate trick, introducing himself as “traveler” / artist. I don’t know whether he meant someone who travels or the distinct quasi-ethnic group. Incidentally, this group is perhaps as hated as the Gypsies in Europe, with a small group of people holding them to bohemian / lyrical standards. The hatred is probably even more intense in Romania, where frictions with the Roma minority are accentuated by their relatively recent choice of an ethnonym that is quite similar to the Romanian one. Not only that most Romanians passionately hate Gypsies, but they are also at pains to prove to a world that often cannot differentiate that they are, indeed, different.

LE: I sort of attacked this issue in an article dedicated to Charlie Chaplin's Romanichal origins. He is, incidentally, the composer of "This is my song" - very familiar to middle-aged and older Romanians as it's been used as a generic to one of the most popular TV shows in the 60s-89.

It seems to me that this (the confusion with Roma, not the one with Traveler) is the main reason most Romanians do not travel much for pleasure – although that’s been changing lately. Encountering hostility abroad for faults they do not perceive as their own is quite frustrating, and defending against this hostility is not easy. Most Romanians resort to the “we hate’em as much as you, but we’re different” strategy, which has little chance of success. After my first massive travels, I tried to convince some of my Romanian relatives of how exciting and amazing backpacking is, but I consistently reached anxiety and mistrust. I hope that this translation might change some of that.

Here’s my Romanian version. As usual, done with Google Translate, then corrected / adapted.

Acești oameni sunt cei cu părul dezordonat, decolorat de soare. Pielea lor este deja departe de a fi imaculată, cum a fost odată. Nu-i nici măcar “pupată de elemente”. Este arsă cu mai multe linii de bronz, răni si mușcături pe ici și ‘colo. Dar pentru fiecare defect dermatologic există o poveste interesantă de spus.

Nu ieși cu călători pasionați. Sunt greu de mulțumit. Uzuala cină-film la mall va suge viața din ei. Sufletul lor tânjește după noi experiențe și aventuri. Nu vor fi impresionați de mașina ta cea nouă, parfumuri extravagante sau ceasul tău scump. S-ar cățăra mai degrabă pe stânci sau sări cu parașuta decât să te audă lăudându-te cu ce ai.

Nu ieși cu călători pasionați, deoarece te vor sâcâi pentru a rezerva un bilet de avion de fiecare dată când apare o ofertă a unei companii aeriene. Nu te vor însoți la club. Și nu vor plăti peste 100 de dolari pentru un show cu cel mai tare DJ [original: Avicii], deoarece știu că un week-end de clubbing fură o săptămână ce-ar putea fi petrecută undeva mult mai interesant.

Sunt șanse mari să nu poată ține un loc de muncă stabil. Sau visează cu ochii deschiși să renunte. Nu vor să continue să lucreze pe brânci pentru visul altcuiva. Ei au propriile lor vise și muncesc pentru ele. Sunt liber-profesioniști. Fac bani din design, scris, fotografie sau ceva care necesită creativitate și imaginație. Nu le pierde timpul plângându-te de job-ul tău de cacao.

Nu ieși cu călători pasionați. Poate n-au făcut nimic cu diploma de facultate și și-au schimbat complet cariera. Sunt acum instructori de scufundări (scuba) sau profesori de yoga. Nu știu sigur când le vine salariul următor. Dar nu lucrează ca un robot toată ziua ci întâmpină viața, iau ce are de oferit și te provoacă să faci la fel.

Nu ieși cu călători pasionați pentru că au ales o viață de incertitudini. Nu au un plan sau o adresă permanentă. Merg cum simt și își urmează inima. Rulează fin, original. Nu au ceas la mână. Busola lor constă în soare și lună. Atunci când valurile îi strigă, viața se oprește și pentru o clipă, devin orbi la orice altceva. Dar au învățat că nu surfing e cel mai important lucru în viață.

Nu ieși cu călători pasionați, deoarece tind să-ți spună verde-n față ce gândesc. Nu vor încerca să-ți impresioneze părinții sau prietenii. Nu se tem să susțină o dezbatere despre probleme globale sau responsabilitate socială, dar nu din cauză că nu știu ce-i aia respekt.

Ei nu vor avea nevoie de tine vreodată. Stiu cum să monteze un cort sau un stabilizator fără ajutorul tau. Gătesc bine și nu au nevoie de tine să le plătești mesele si nici n-o vor plăti pe-a ta. Sunt prea independenți și puțin le pasă de călătorești cu ei sau nu. Vor uita să te sune să-ți spună c-au ajuns cu bine. Sunt ocupați sa trăiască în prezent. Intră în vorbă cu străinii. Vor întâlni mulți oameni interesanți, cu idei similare, din întreaga lume, care împărtășesc pasiunea și visele lor. Ii vei plictisi.

Deci, nu ieși cu călători pasionați dacă nu poți ține pasul cu ei. Și, dacă te îndrăgostești de vreunul sau vreuna din greșeală, să nu îndrăznești să-i ții. Dă-le drumul.

Finally, there are also those who hold a critical view of this essay. One comment (by GP) reads:

This comes across as stereotypical and a bit condescending. Not everyone who travels fits the "wanderer" and "free spirit" stereotype. In fact, a lot of people who travel finance those trips with the money they make from corporate "boring" jobs, that by the way, also require skill and creativity. Working in advertising requires creativity, designing websites and programming requires creativity and a sense of style as well.

We should do away with this dichotomy. The world isn't divided into free-spirited girls who give up any responsibility and boring stodgy people who have no sense of adventure. I've always felt a tension between various impulses, desires and preferences, but I realize now that there's nothing abnormal about being a person who can't fit a stereotype - it's the cliché that constructs this as abnormal.

My final comment is about the last paragraph....there is nothing wrong with needing someone. In fact, what makes relationships last is that that person satisfies something for you that no one and nothing else can. Not even travel.

Again, regarding Romania, much seems to have changed since I formed my views. Take, for instance, the “because I can” blog.

Sources / More info: lts-don’t, cs-adi, steph-do, imdb-saint, inst-mo, warnke-d8

zamo, traveler, travel, tourism, procrastination, focus, self-sabotage, traveller, travel bug, wanderer, free spirit, stereotype (Tags)