MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN VENUS - THE TANDEM STORY

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.

In-class Assignment for Wednesday "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story."

"The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.

"The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca - last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted:"

STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

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Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
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He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth - when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?"she wondered wistfully.
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Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through congress had left Earth a defenceless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
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This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
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Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of FUCKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such a air headed bimbo who reads too many Mills &
Boon novels."
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Asshole.
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Bitch.
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Wanker.
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Slut.
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Get fucked.
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Eat shit.
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FUCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

1 It's very important that you're honest during this test. Otherwise it won't be as astounding when we guess your gender. So please think carefully about each question. Now, which shape do you prefer?     (red thin sq vs thicker blue circle)

2 Which color makes a better t-shirt? (Green / Orange)
3 Please pick a number.
1
6
4 Would you rather print or use cursive?
Print
Use cursive
5 Would you rather be rich or famous? Think about the possibilities.
Rich
Famous
6 On a camping adventure, you get separated from your friends. You haven't seen them in hours, and you're completely alone in the woods. What would you do?
Look for them
Stay put
7 Which is better, a happy ending or a total surprise?
Happy ending
Total surprise
8 Would you rather fall to your death or drown?
Fall
Drown
9 When you get a headache, do you usually take painkillers?
Yes
No
10 And would you rather be deaf or blind? Seriously.
Deaf
Blind

11 Do you ever think about the beginning of time and wish you could've been there to witness it?
Yes
No
12 If given the choice, would you rather...
Live forever
Die happy
13 Scientifically speaking, which do you think came first?    

14 Are clams alive?
Yes
No
15 Which animal is smarter?
Horse
Pig
16 Do you think that one day there will be world peace?
Yes
No
17 Please choose one:
French fries
Onion rings
18 Do you like having your picture taken?
Yes
No
19 Would you rather be hungry or cold?
Hungry
Cold
20 Are you afraid of death?
Yes
No

21 Our claim that we can guess everyone's gender is "impressive" and yet "idiotic," writes one fan. Which is it?
Impressive
Idiotic
22 Back to gender questions. So, would you rather live in a blue bedroom or a white bedroom? Picture this in your head.
Blue
White
23 Which would you rather be?
Completely and forever lonely
Bleeding to death
24 Do you sleep on your stomach or on your back?
Stomach
Back
25 Which word is grosser?
Moist
Used
26 For years, philosophers have debated what determines the future. Some say that fate exists, and that choice is an illusion. Others believe that we make choices of our own free will. What do you believe in?
Fate
The ability to choose
27 More important, do you prefer to drink with a straw?
Yes
No
28 Consider the following sequence. Please choose whichever object you think fills in the blank better.

red sq – orange circle – yellow sq – green circle – blue sq / purple rhomb vs red circle

29 And which is a better way to ship things?     (in a truck or in a boat)

30 If you had two jobs to do, which would you do first?
The easier one, to leave time for the harder one
The harder one, to get it out of the way
31 Scenario: If you don't have the money by Tuesday, the kid dies. You can't get the money. What do you do?
Call the cops
Call the kid's parents
32 Which number do you think fits better in the blank: 2, 4, __ ?
6
8
33 College is worth both the time and the money.
True
False
34 Technology always prevails.
True
False
35 Who will win?    

36 Myths are often based on fact.
True
False
37 What is the greater value of the Internet?
Information
Communication
38 Best friends can be worst enemies.
True
False
39 In a certain light, nuclear war would be exciting.
True
False

40 Which is more correct? Blue (white on blue background)   Blue (on white background)

41 Which would you really prefer?
A fair fight
Brass knuckles
42 Is consciousness an illusion?
Yes
No
43 Do you associate better with people of your own gender?
Yes
No
44 Do you like to go to the movies by yourself?
Yes
No
45 Which cut do you prefer?
Filet
Sirloin
46 Stop and think about your middle name for a second. Does it end with a vowel?
Yes
No
47 Do you usually carry stuff in your pockets?
Yes
No
48 Which place is worse?
Hospital
Courtroom
49 How do you like your snacks?
Sweet
Salty
50 And finally, were you born in an even or odd year?
Even
Odd

16 1 73% more female than me.