Top 20 Premii Darwin 2008  

Thrown (Ţâpat) in , ,

Ca si anul trecut sau 2009, Zamolxis iti aduce primul premiile Darwin abia anuntate, spre delectare si evitare. Premiile Darwin comemoreaza pe cei care, in mod involuntar, imbogatesc calitatea fondului genetic universal prin autoeliminare.

Eugenics a fost o miscare interbelica ce propovaduia eliminarea celor considerati inferiori. Fundatii precum Carnegie sau Rockefeller au finantat aplicarea acestor idei de catre diverse guverne, rezultand in masive incalcari ale drepturilor omului. In perioada postbelica aceste idei au fost in cele mai multe tari abandonate, devenind asociate cu fascismul si rasismul.

Dar chiar daca acest curent a fost abolit, idiotii au continuat sa prospere, devenind in principal politicieni, politisti, parinti si alte Personificari ale Puterii care-ncep cu p. In 2006 a aparut si un film pe tema asta scos de Fox (of all producers…) SurpriseRolling Eyes

Iata si castigatorii:

20. Donatorii de Organe (3 Februarie, California) – 5.7 (3736 voturi)

2 dirtbikes, cu 4 oameni, fara casti de protectie sau faruri, in miez de noapte. Cand s-au ciocnit, intre 1-3:30AM in Modesto, au mierlit-o toti. Cadrele medicale ii numesc pe cei care merg pe motor fara casca viitor donator de organe, si exact asta au devenit Thomas, 33, Michael, 33, Kelly 30 si Cynthia 29.

Urmatoarele le voi traduce in masura timpului disponibil:

19. An Illuminating Story 6.4 (3958 votes)

(26 February 2008, France) A 71-year-old pensioner met a shocking end when his frugal attempt to illuminate his yard with power siphoned from the National Grid backfired spectacularly. The gentleman in question illegally opened a major power junction box at the front of his house, intending to hard-wire a cable to his garden shed. Unfortunately, the poor chap attempted to do this rewiring during a major downpour. The fatal result was all too predictable. He was immediately deep fried and declared deceased at the scene. Lessons: 1--Don't hardwire your shed to a local power substation 2--Don't hardwire your shed to a power line... in the rain! 3--There _is_ such a thing as being too frugal.

18. Early Retirement Plan 6.5 (2708 votes)

(24 August 2008, Indonesia) Charles had everything going for him when he flew to Jakarta to visit his family. He had just completed his International Baccalaureate at King William's College in the Isle of Man, and his dreams were ambitious. In the school yearbook, he said he planned retire by the age of 30. The principal of the college later described him as "a very bright boy with a very bright future." Unfortunately for Charles, his elite education omitted an important lesson from the curriculum: Electricity, danger of. He had one foot in the backyard swimming pool (really!) when he noticed a cement box near the edge of the pool. It was full of electrical wires supplying power to the jacuzzi. Curious, Charles started to fiddle with a fistful of wires. He was immediately rooted to the spot by 240 volts of electrical current surging through his body. Early retirement, indeed! A post-mortem examination determined that Charles' death was "due to electrocution as a consequence of external grounding of current through the body while partially immersed in water." The 18-year-old's body was repatriated to the Isle of Man. Reader Comment: "Charles was a real live wire!"

17. Shopping Cart Crash 6.5 (2777 votes)

(8 March 2008, Florida) Just because you see it online does not mean it's a good idea. Cameron, 18, was joyriding in a shopping cart as he held onto a moving SUV. An eyewitness said, "It's irresponsible behavior, but what do you expect from kids?" The car and the cart went over a speed bump and the cart overturned, ejecting its occupant, who was not wearing the little seat belt. Cameron was pronounced dead at the scene.

16. Into the Abyss 6.6 (3178 votes)

An enterprising lumberman had felled a large tree, and needed to haul it up a steep embankment. So he jacked up the rear end of his pickup and swapped one of the rear tires for a bare rim. He attached one end of a rope to the rim, and the other end of the rope to the felled tree. He put the pickup into gear, expecting the rim to act as a makeshift rope crank that would pull the tree up the embankment, saving him lots of sweat. A great idea? Not if you're reading it here! You see, the tree vastly outweighed the truck. The man was standing with one foot on the ground and the other foot on the accelerator. When he gunned the engine, the tree acted like an anchor, and the truck yanked itself backwards. The open door rammed into him, and he was swept over the embankment along with the pickup. When the dust settled, our lumberman had entered the great beyond. But his escapade served as a warning to others. The next lumberman cut up the tree where it lay, and carried it off.

15. A Screw Loose 7.1 (4325 votes)

(14 April 2008, Texas) A contract worker was hired to install reinforcement bars on a communications tower near Camp Bullis. He was wielding power tools high above the ground, when two other workers saw him lean back and fall 225 feet to his death. Turns out, the man had loosened the bolts on the bar to which he was attached. Police are calling it a tragic accident.

14. Slippery When Wet 7.1 (2347 votes)

(15 January 2008, Sweden) The Darwin Awards have celebrated many bone-headed things burglars do in the commission of their crimes. For instance, taking a shortcut down a 55-foot sheer rock face. Early one morning, two men broke into a gymnasium (high school) east of Stockholm. After a profitable stroll through the building, they were startled by a janitor. They raced out of the building into the pre-dawn darkness. Fearing imminent detection, they took a shortcut to safety--down the face of a steep 55-foot rock escarpment. But in selecting this convenient shortcut, they failed to consider three crucial facts: First, it was pitch black. Due to the northern latitude, the sun rises late in Sweden. Second, it had rained during the night. And third, the rock in eastern Sweden is granite, the type of rock that is polished into posh floors and fancy countertops. The danger of slippery granite is a well-known fact for residents of the area. Escaping down a granite cliff, in the rain, in the dark? Try tilting a slab of polished granite, pouring water over it, and making a controlled descent while carrying a load of loot. This is the province of mountain goats, not humans hoping to pass on their genes. In short, one of the burglars slipped and fell head-over-heels to his death, bringing a new meaning to "the crack of dawn." His worldly riches were scattered around him.

13. Going to Seed 7.3 (2988 votes)

(2008) Darren was dumb even for a junkie, but what he lacked in IQ he made up in creativity. In the supermarket, he notice a bag labelled "Birdseed 100% Poppy Seed." He seized his chance to circumvent the stranglehold of the International Drug Cartels with the following logic: 100% Poppy Seed = 100% Opium! Figuring he was onto something good, he bought a bag of birdseed, boiled it into a thick black paste, and proceeded to inject it into his vein. Nothing happened, so he did it again. An hour later, he was brought unconscious to our Emergency Department, as sick as it is possible to be. His chest X-ray showed thousands of tiny seed-like objects scattered throughout his lungfields. Our working diagnosis was Milary Tuberculosis, so-called because the TB deposits resemble millet seeds. Little did we know! Only two weeks later, after he recovered from life-threatening septicaemia and multiple organ failure, did the true story emerge. Darren survived, but subsequently died of a garden variety overdose.

12. Clotheslined! 7.5 (3684 votes)

(13 January 2008, Florida) A 37-year-old man was killed trying to cross the Manasota Key drawbridge on his motorcycle. Wearing only swim trunks and sneakers, the man was seen racing at high speed towards the gap as the bridge began to open. Bridge designers had anticipated such lunacy and invented the crossing guard. The closing gates swept him off his Suzuki and over the side of the bridge, into the water and out of the gene pool. By a twist of fate, the motorcycle continued up the ramp and made it across to the other side!

11. Pierced! 7.6 (6217 votes)

(January 2008, Pennsylvania) A 23-year-old man with various body piercings wondered what it would feel like to connect his workplace test equipment to his chest piercings. Several co-workers tried to convince him that it was a bad idea to wire himself up to the electronic control tester, but he ignored their pleas. He proceeded to connect two alligator clips to his piercings and hit the test button... When the police and rescue personnel arrived, his co-workers were stiill trying to revive him with CPR and rescue breathing. They were not successful.

10. Wascally Wabbit 7.7 (5446 votes)

Snowmobiles and alcohol are a dangerous mix. Then came the rabbit. After a day spent partying and racing snowmobiles in the wilderness, a group of snowmobilers were headed back to their cabin, when up popped a jackrabbit! They gave chase. Several collisions were narrowly averted, and so all the snowmobiles backed off... except one. This snowmobiler kept his eye on the quarry and rapidly closed in. The rabbit darted aside to save itself. The snowmobiler closed in again. The rabbit ran toward the road, where there was less snow. Trying to ram his rabbit before it crossed the road, the man accelerated to Mach 1. But the rabbit had other ideas. It darted into the culvert beneath the road. Witnesses stated that the snowmobiler never even braked. There was a metallic crunch as the accelerating vehicle rammed into the culvert, followed by a blast that shattered the snowmobile into a thousand bits. This brand of snowmobile had a fuel tank mounted in front. The culvert admitted the tip of the snowmobile, then cut into the cowling, spilling fuel over the hot engine. The body of the snowmobiler was blown twenty feet back into the field. The rabbit's whereabouts was unknown. Moderator Bruce speculates, "Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd?" Alternate title: "Hare Today, Gone Tomorrow"

9. On the Piste 7.7 (2973 votes)

(2 February 2008, Italy) David, 46, was sliding down an Italian ski slope one night, riding on padding that he had removed from the safety barriers at the bottom of the run. It did not occur to him that it might be dangerous to sled down the same slope from which he had stolen the protective padding. Sauze d'Oulx is one of five villages that make up the "Milky Way" ski area in northern Italy. Hugely popular with British skiers, the resort is known for its party atmosphere. A ski resort spokesperson for Sauze d'Oulx said, "The men had all been drinking when they tore off the padding, and ironically..." ...careened straight into the bare barriers at the bottom of the piste (groomed slope). David died from head and chest injuries inflicted by the unpadded metal. Two of his friends survived with medical attention. Another Darwin Award candidate is still missing after he wandered away "bloodied and distressed."

8. Boner! 7.7 (7490 votes)

(2 February 2008, New York) A 50-year-old man was bird hunting in Upstate New York with his buddies and his faithful canine companion. They stopped for a smoke, and his dog found a deer leg bone! The man tried to take the bone away, but like any right thinking dog, the animal would not relinquish its treasure. He stayed just out of reach. Frustrated with this blatant show of disobedience, the man grabbed his loaded shotgun by the muzzle and began wielding it like a club. Each time he swung it, the dog dodged. Suddenly the "club" struck the ground and fired, shooting the man in the abdomen. He was airlifted to a nearby hospital, where he died from his injuries. He did remain conscious long enough to confirm this account to police; otherwise, his poor friends might now be under suspicion! At least he didn't hit the dog.

7. Chemistry Went To Her Head 7.7 (5713 votes)

(2 February 2008, Bulgaria) It was a cold but sunny February afternoon. Lidia, a biology teacher from Sofia, was driving two friends home from a memorial service. Suddenly the vehicle stopped. Bystanders saw all three occupants dash from the car to a nearby manhole, and start pouring down liquids and powders from various bottles and jars. Apparently, the biology teacher had been performing chemistry experiments in her free time, and had some leftover noxious chemicals. It is still not entirely clear what the chemicals were, but two of the bottles were labelled diethyl ether and methanol, both highly flammable substances. The former is also used as a sedative, so one explanation for their actions is that they felt dizzy from the ether vapors and thought it was a good idea to pour them in the sewer. As it turns out, a good idea it definitely was not. The cocktail of flammable substances in the enclosed space of the sewer caused an explosion so powerful that it launched the manhole cover into the air, decapitating the (briefly) surprised Lidia. Left without a head on her shoulders, she decided it was time to kick the bucket. The other two people were not left unharmed, but were alive. They were taken to the hospital with burns on their faces. They may not regain their eyesight, but hopefully will be able to speak clearly enough to tell their children that tossing random chemicals down the drain is not as wise as it might at first appear.

6. Not a Shred of Sense 7.7 (5933 votes)

The ambulance responded to a frantic call concerning a neighbor's trip through an industrial tree shredder. It seems the individual had decided to prune his own trees, rather than hire a professional. Why not? After all, the local shop rented shredders that could make quick work of yard debris, including tree limbs up to 8 inches in diameter. To save time (those fateful words) the neighbor had placed the shredder at the base of a great oak tree, where he could drop branches directly into the hopper. He intended to cut off the top third of the oak, since it had been killed by lightning. With the shredder running wide open, the neighbor climbed his ladder to the first tree branch, stepped off the ladder, slipped, and fell. The paramedics found him very dead, half in and half out of the shredder's hopper, one leg shredded to the hip. Not married, no kids, removed self from the gene pool.

5. Un Ceh cu greutate-n aur (8 Martie, Cehia) - 7.7 (5872 voturi)

Otelul este valoros, in special cel de calitate folosit in cabluri. Cei care cumpara fier vechi nu pun intrebari si platesc in numerar. Un lift folosind astfel de cabluri se gaseste intr-un siloz inalt din Zatec, la 40 de mile Nord-Veste de Praga. Cablul era prins bine la un capat, celalalt disparand undeva in sus. Omul nostru s-a chinuit mult sa-l taie si-n final a reusit. In acel moment, contragreutatea a-nceput sa se miste in jos silentios, accelerand pana a ajuns la capat. R.I.P.

4. Pinul – un rafinat, iubeste casa - 7.8 (7699 voturi)

Un grup de 3 soldati ce tocmai isi terminasera stagiul de pregatire au decis sa celebreze impreuna cu bunica unuia dintre ei. Aceasta i-ambaiat si le-a dat bomboane, si-apoi, ca orice bunca moderna, a plecat la lucru, lasandu-i singuri acasa. Indulciti, cei trei au decis sa-i taie unul din cei 3 pini ce-i stateau in fata casei, umbrind-o. Si-au facut curaj cu o lada de bere. Pentru a nu lasa pinul de 35 de metri sa cada pe casa, l-au legat cu o sfoara, suindu-se pe pinii din extreme. In timp ce cei doi au ramas cu sfoara legata de ei, al 3-lea a taiat pinul din mijloc cu drujba. Pinul din mijloc a cazut departe de casa, dar in cadere, i-a tarat pe cei doi legati prin crengile celorlalti doi pini, izbindu-i de pamant intr-un final apoteotic.

3. Boroboata bumerang (16 Iulie, Italia) - 7.8 (4360 voturi)

Compania de telefoane lucra la “inmormantarea” cablurilor de telefon. In acest scop, intr-o arie rurala, slab populata, sapau un sant pe juma’ de drum, deviau traficul prin semne de avertizare, ingropau cablul, astupau groapa, si-apoi faceau acelasi lucru cu cealalta jumatate de drum. Doi lucratori si-au gasit obstescul sfarsit intrand in plina viteza cu pick-up truck-ul in sant. CSI a confirmat ca cei doi erau manga si mergeau cu viteza mare. Au confirmat de asemenea ca tot ei, mai devreme, mutasera semnalul luminos de avertizare pe jumatatea nesapata a soselei; apoi, probabil, fie uitasera, fie au crezut ca alcoolul da aripi.

2. Veatza ca un Porsche - 7.9 (5677 voturi)

Gerhard Adolf Zeitler Plattner, posesorul de 68 de ani al unui Porsche Cayenne si-al unui penis invers proportional – cum se-ntampla de-obicei – statea la coada la un semafor. Inaintea semaforului se afla o trecere de cale ferata. Gerhard a avut ghinionul sa fie prins intre bariere, in timp ce astepta la coada, neavand rabdare sa astepte sa poata traversa calea ferata fara sa ramana acolo. Cand s-a prins ca masina sa este complet imobilizata si ca un tren se-apropie, s-a dat jos si-anceput sa alerge spre tren, falfaind din maini ca pasarea Kiwi in speranta ca va determina trenul sa se opreasca iar el isi va lua zborul in caz de neoprire. S-a bucurat de un succes partial, masina sa fiind in final mai putin distrusa decat el insusi. Impulsul invinge intotdeauna.

1. Preotul (im)balonat (20 Aprilie, Brazilia, Atlantic) - 8.9 (15367 voturi)

In 1982 un tip numiat Larry a atasat 45 de baloane meteorologice cu Helium la scaunul sau de plastic, si-a luat merinde si-a taiat ata. In loc sa pluteasca vesel deasupra LA-ului, baloanele l-au urcat la o inaltime de 5000 de metri deasupra nivelului marii, in culoarele liniilor aeriene. Larry a supravietuit in mod miraculos. Nu si un preot catolic, Adelir Antonio de Carli de 41 de ani. Acesta a-ncercat sa foloseasca dita’i aglomerarea de baloane de petrecere cu Helium, in incercarea de a stabili un nou record mondial pentru a face publicitate planului sau de a construi un loc de odihna spiritual si asexual pentru soferii de TIR-uri. Preotul a luat o gramada de precautii: un costum special de supravietuire, un scaun plutitor, un telefon satelit si un GPS. A facut insa o greseala fatala: n-a-nvatat sa foloseasca GPS-ul. Dac-ar fi avut nevasta, poate ca ea ar fi citit instructiunile pentru el, dar, dupa cum se stie, preotii catolici fac un juramant de burlacie. Cand vantul s-a schimbat si l-a trimis spre mare, el n-a sarit cu parasuta, desi ar fi putut-o face usor, preferand sa se roage. Nici un miracol nu s-a produs, asa ca eventual a sunat (dupa vreo 19 ore) la paza de coasta. Din pacate, nu a putut da pozitia exacta intrucat bateria telefonului satelit s-a consumat in timp ce el incerca fara succes sa manevreze GPS-ul. Cateva zile mai tarziu, bucatele de baloane au inceput sa apara pe tarm, si eventual si corpul sau a confirmat ca si el, precum Elvis, a parasit cladirea.

Tu stii romani care-ar fi putut candida cu succes?

Sursa: wikiEugenics, DA08, idioIMDB

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