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Questions of marriage preoccupy all of us, at one point of our lives or another. I for one was forced to face them head on back in my undergrad, when during a French course I had to write a quick essay on getting married or searching for pleasure. Recently, a monologue about marriage came to my attention and I hurry to share it with you, primarily for the pleasure of the female readers of this blog, recently tortured by a long list of articles on politics and MEP 2014 elections (results I, II, III, UKIP, Toronto, TestVote).

A while back, I was having an argument (well, it’s more like I was trying to have a conversation with my designated troll, banned since) about the downside of population decline (PD). He demanded to know why is it bad (which is what I was trying to say) and I thought I provided some studies, but while searching, I was unsatisfied with the quality of the studies I had found. (The title term refers mostly to economy (i.e., population drops below the level required to carry the economy or more specifically old age pensions) whereas PD refers to demographics.) Since then, I’ve found a bit more so here it is.

The way I experience love, or at least what most people mean by it, is dumb and I haze it. I get jealous, obsessive, cheesy. This kind of love is not enjoyable for me, likely not for the other and I try to avoid it, yet this is the kind most girls I had dated in the past seemed to want.

As expected, we owe most of our understanding of love to the Greeks, who were collecting words to describe it. Some scholars prefer to talk about four kinds, others five, others seven and some go as high as thirty. Here are the most used Greek terms:

• Storge (family affection)
• Philia (brotherly love, co-workers, soldiers, shared goal)
• Eros (romance, passion, desire, sex, physical, strange)
• Agape (god-love – unconditional, self-sacrificing)
• Ludus (flirting, playful, euphoria, uncommitted, non-punctual, believable lies, lovefool)
• Pragma (mutually beneficial, enduring – e.g., marriage)
• Mania (obsessive or possessive; adolescence)
• Philautia (self-respect)

Hendrick^2 & Slapion-Foote^2 (1985) found (hsf-gdisa) that men were more likely to show the ludic type of love, while women were more likely to be storgic or pragmatic – though their research was done on undergrad students.

Purple haze all in my brain
Lately things don't seem the same
Actin' funny but I don't know why
'Scuse me while I kiss the sky

In his 1973 book (.CA, .UK, .FR, .DE, .IT, .ES), John Lee compared styles of love to the color wheel, basing them on the aforementioned Greek words.

Lee’s 6 Styles of Loving

• Three primary styles:
  1. Eros – Loving an ideal person
  2. Ludos – Love as a game
  3. Storge – Love as friendship
• Three secondary styles:
  1. Mania (Eros + Ludos) – Obsessive love
  2. Pragma (Ludos + Storge) – Realistic and practical love
  3. Agape (Eros + Storge) – Selfless love

Now that we have the basic vocabulary, we should also know that there are a few theories of love.

theories

In general, theories moved from a clinical standpoint to a more psychology and socially-based stance.

• Freud’s theory of love centered around the need for an “ego ideal”, which is the person one aspires to be, patterned after those whom one holds in great respect. (On Narcissism, Bourdieu-Lacan, Freud-Lacan)
• Maslow takes the view that only those at the top of his pyramid (self-actualized) are capable of love (Heylighen, Francis). 
• Reik conceptualized a more altruistic, agape type of love in Being love. (Amir, Mathes)
• Zick Rubin proposed that romantic love is based on three elements: attachment (the need to receive care, approval and physical contact), caring (valuing the other person’s needs and happiness as much as your own), intimacy (sharing of thoughts, desires etc). Based on questionnaires, he determined liking vs loving.
• Elaine Hatfield felt that compassionate love is characterized by mutual respect, attachment, affection and trust while passionate love is made of intense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety and affection. According to her, passionate love is transitory, lasting 6-30 months and it arises when cultural expectations encourage falling in love, when the person meets your preconceived ideas of an ideal love, and when you experience heightened physiological arousal in the presence of the other person. It ideally leads to compassionate love.
• As psychology became more socially based, Sternberg’s (.CA, .UK, .FR, .DE, .IT, .ES) triangular theory of love emerged (not to be confused with Bizarre Love Triangle) and became dominant (w-triang). This theory, illustrated above, holds that “consummate love” is the most complete, as it involves Intimacy, Passion and Commitment. The other types of love involve a combination of only 2 or just one.

The Attachment Theory (w-att) is very important in psychology and it deals with patterns learned in early childhood and how they determine people’s response within relationships when hurt, separated from loved ones or perceiving a threat. Four different attachment classifications have been identified in children: secure attachment, anxious-ambivalent attachment, anxious-avoidant attachment, and disorganized attachment.

If you can imagine the central point of the triangular theory – consummate love – being elevated (through the power of love, of course) out of its planar complacency to a pyramidal vertex and what do you get? Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, of course! :)

Purple haze all around
Don't know if I'm comin' up or down
Am I happy or in misery?
Whatever it is, that girl put a spell on me

Purple haze is not to be confused with Purple Rain.

LE: Two things: I know about the "languages of love" and I think it's BS - the main idea being that most women prefer "words", while men, actions, so there goes that "theory" and secondly, Hendrix probably talks about love as an excuse for getting high with "illegal dreams" which is not my thing.

Sources / More info: inbo-jealous, w-4l, w-gw4l, w-triang, w-att, w-rolo, w-losty, hsf-gdisa

I happened to be in the area so I decided to pay the consulate a visit, not expecting to be able to vote, but hoping to learn more info about my programmed visit for my passport renewal. I didn't waste a lot of time, but in typical Romanian fashion, someone managed to use my time with info that is likely useless.

Citeam mai deunazi o lista a motivelor de maritis ale unei bloggerite mai in varsta. S-a maritat acum 20 de ani si este de presupus ca nu era bloggerita chiar de-atunci (jurnalele scrise de mana nu se pun). E interesant.

About a week ago I watched a number of TV series and movies worth discussing. One of them was about the Brits and the war, and it is somehow connected, in my mind, to UKIP and Farage.

Desi am lasat-o sa se intrevada in alte articole cat si in comentarii pe alte bloguri, n-am discutat niciodata opinia mea despre homosexualitate si-n principal despre dreptul homosexualilor de a se casatori si de a adopta copii.

Nu demult, ma plangeam ca am un cantec in minte pe care nu-l pot identifica. Dar l-am auzit intr-un film mai vechi, si-am stat la credits sa-i vad titlul. Nu, filmul nu era "Zbor deasupra unui cuib de cuci" :)

My resolve to stop speaking about the difference between Roma / Gypsies and Romanians was recently shaken by an Irish couple, one of whom had a Roma sister adopted from Romania.

O recenta discutie de 55 minute pe TVO, televiziunea publica din Ontario, este un bun prilej de a considera ce-nsemna sa fii canadian si ce inseamna cetatenia dubla dual citizenship.

The current culture clash about some Norwegian child welfare agency having seized a Romanian couple’s children over physical discipline and the ensuing protests coming mostly from religious groups has a recognizable background: it’s a rehashing of the century-old conservative vs liberal quarrel. I have respect and admiration for Norway and their altruistic, enlightened and generous foreign policy and foreign aid, but this case may be more than just that.

Some recent Romanian news led me to consider the possibility that many Romanian men suffer from an undiagnosed affliction: Uterus envy. Let us together discover what that means, and how this was already named “womb envy” by a psychoanalyst named HORNEY.

Sub titlul ''Parerea'' barbatilor din Targu Mures despre femei am gasit recent un monolog aparent misogin. Este recitat mult prea cursiv si detasat pentru a fi ceva spontan, asa ca am decis sa investighez. Am gasit un monolog al Alinei Nelega Cadariu – ea ii zice monodrama: Hess.

Cu multi, multi ani in urma, cand eram in faculta, luasem un curs de franceza. Am publicat deja primul eseu scris in acel curs, despre primul meu sarut. Recent, am dat peste cineva care aborda cam aceeasi problema. Si m-am gandit sa public prostioara asta.

In week-end-ul ce taman a trecut, o fundatie i-a invitat pe cei doi fosti presedinti (G. W. Bush si Bill Clinton) la o sezatoare in Toronto. Frank McKenna, fost ambasador canadian in US i-a moderat si regulat.

Am decis sa public o scrisoare primita in urma cu 10 ani si 3 luni. Este fix genul de scrisoare pe care nu as putea-o publica in intregime pe acest blog, intrucat nu intentionez s-o supun discutiei. The unencrypted introduction is probably self-explanatory as to why encryption must be used for the rest of it.

Am mentionat in articolele precedente sarbatori religioase ale altor credinte cat si cele ale crestinatatii ortodoxe. Desi am incercat sa citesc carti despre istoria religiilor, continui sa stiu putine despre majoritatea celor din afara crestinatatii. Aici incep sa aflu.

For the longest time I've been meaning to write an article about how youth is not a virtue in itself, but a time when you're actually pretty dumb, and though in your older age you might look back with regret, that does not (or should not) make youngsters gods.

Recent, Mary Roach a aparut la TED cu o noua prelegere. Si cum nu poti scrie niciodata prea mult despre sex, m-am gandit ca haide.

I haven’t quite followed the morbidly insane “family coalition” initiative (w-coalitia), in all its pathology, but I recently discovered how some UniBuc prof has been using everything, including the Hamangia / Cernavoda sculptures for his fascist crusade against gays. And likely, from the same deep vein of christo-fascism, the nebulous coalition has managed (or is about) to pass a law to stick more Christianity into people’s faces under the guise of celebrating Brancoveanu Constantin, boier vechi si domn crestin (old boyar and Christian voivode).