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The way I experience love, or at least what most people mean by it, is dumb and I haze it. I get jealous, obsessive, cheesy. This kind of love is not enjoyable for me, likely not for the other and I try to avoid it, yet this is the kind most girls I had dated in the past seemed to want.

As expected, we owe most of our understanding of love to the Greeks, who were collecting words to describe it. Some scholars prefer to talk about four kinds, others five, others seven and some go as high as thirty. Here are the most used Greek terms:

• Storge (family affection)
• Philia (brotherly love, co-workers, soldiers, shared goal)
• Eros (romance, passion, desire, sex, physical, strange)
• Agape (god-love – unconditional, self-sacrificing)
• Ludus (flirting, playful, euphoria, uncommitted, non-punctual, believable lies, lovefool)
• Pragma (mutually beneficial, enduring – e.g., marriage)
• Mania (obsessive or possessive; adolescence)
• Philautia (self-respect)

Hendrick^2 & Slapion-Foote^2 (1985) found (hsf-gdisa) that men were more likely to show the ludic type of love, while women were more likely to be storgic or pragmatic – though their research was done on undergrad students.

Purple haze all in my brain
Lately things don't seem the same
Actin' funny but I don't know why
'Scuse me while I kiss the sky

In his 1973 book (.CA, .UK, .FR, .DE, .IT, .ES), John Lee compared styles of love to the color wheel, basing them on the aforementioned Greek words.

Lee’s 6 Styles of Loving

• Three primary styles:
  1. Eros – Loving an ideal person
  2. Ludos – Love as a game
  3. Storge – Love as friendship
• Three secondary styles:
  1. Mania (Eros + Ludos) – Obsessive love
  2. Pragma (Ludos + Storge) – Realistic and practical love
  3. Agape (Eros + Storge) – Selfless love

Now that we have the basic vocabulary, we should also know that there are a few theories of love.

theories

In general, theories moved from a clinical standpoint to a more psychology and socially-based stance.

• Freud’s theory of love centered around the need for an “ego ideal”, which is the person one aspires to be, patterned after those whom one holds in great respect. (On Narcissism, Bourdieu-Lacan, Freud-Lacan)
• Maslow takes the view that only those at the top of his pyramid (self-actualized) are capable of love (Heylighen, Francis). 
• Reik conceptualized a more altruistic, agape type of love in Being love. (Amir, Mathes)
• Zick Rubin proposed that romantic love is based on three elements: attachment (the need to receive care, approval and physical contact), caring (valuing the other person’s needs and happiness as much as your own), intimacy (sharing of thoughts, desires etc). Based on questionnaires, he determined liking vs loving.
• Elaine Hatfield felt that compassionate love is characterized by mutual respect, attachment, affection and trust while passionate love is made of intense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety and affection. According to her, passionate love is transitory, lasting 6-30 months and it arises when cultural expectations encourage falling in love, when the person meets your preconceived ideas of an ideal love, and when you experience heightened physiological arousal in the presence of the other person. It ideally leads to compassionate love.
• As psychology became more socially based, Sternberg’s (.CA, .UK, .FR, .DE, .IT, .ES) triangular theory of love emerged (not to be confused with Bizarre Love Triangle) and became dominant (w-triang). This theory, illustrated above, holds that “consummate love” is the most complete, as it involves Intimacy, Passion and Commitment. The other types of love involve a combination of only 2 or just one.

The Attachment Theory (w-att) is very important in psychology and it deals with patterns learned in early childhood and how they determine people’s response within relationships when hurt, separated from loved ones or perceiving a threat. Four different attachment classifications have been identified in children: secure attachment, anxious-ambivalent attachment, anxious-avoidant attachment, and disorganized attachment.

If you can imagine the central point of the triangular theory – consummate love – being elevated (through the power of love, of course) out of its planar complacency to a pyramidal vertex and what do you get? Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, of course! :)

Purple haze all around
Don't know if I'm comin' up or down
Am I happy or in misery?
Whatever it is, that girl put a spell on me

Purple haze is not to be confused with Purple Rain.

LE: Two things: I know about the "languages of love" and I think it's BS - the main idea being that most women prefer "words", while men, actions, so there goes that "theory" and secondly, Hendrix probably talks about love as an excuse for getting high with "illegal dreams" which is not my thing.

Sources / More info: inbo-jealous, w-4l, w-gw4l, w-triang, w-att, w-rolo, w-losty, hsf-gdisa

Exista putina cantece de care m-am indragostit la prima auzire. St Etienne's cover of Neil Young te-nvaluie si te-ameteste, daca-i dai voie si ai chef de d-astea.

Il citam nu demult pe Bendeac, care zicea c-a-nvatat "cum se face" de la Rocco. Eu am invatat de la mai multi, si-n special de la micul Prince. E usor sa fii sexy cand esti inalt, frumushal si o ai mare, functionala si-ti ia cel putin 1h sa termini. Ce te faci cand nu?

Recent, Mary Roach a aparut la TED cu o noua prelegere. Si cum nu poti scrie niciodata prea mult despre sex, m-am gandit ca haide.

Questions of marriage preoccupy all of us, at one point of our lives or another. I for one was forced to face them head on back in my undergrad, when during a French course I had to write a quick essay on getting married or searching for pleasure. Recently, a monologue about marriage came to my attention and I hurry to share it with you, primarily for the pleasure of the female readers of this blog, recently tortured by a long list of articles on politics and MEP 2014 elections (results I, II, III, UKIP, Toronto, TestVote).

A while back, I had started a series dedicated to poetry. I called it poezia de marti or Tuesday Poem, but it wasn't long lived. Let's try again.

Cateodata  am chef sa ma uit la clipuri de muzica, dar nu orice. Cele mai tari, cele mai populare, cele mai vizionate si top of the charts nu ma reprezinta intotdeauna, nu-mi regasesc gusturile in ele. Iata de ce aceste 40-45 clipuri ma incanta – raman cu tine o vreme..

Voi prezenta azi niste poezii mai vechi impreuna cu poetii aferenti. Sunt legate si interconectate, dar povestea lunga e pe Edutarian. Alte povesti lirice, mai scurte: cummings & wordsworth.

Au tot fo' publicate rezultatele cercetarii unei canadiene (femeie, nu geaca) si noi barbatii tot nu pricepem ce zice. Nici canadian(c)a, nici femeile in general. De multe ori avem impresia ca ele zic una si umezesc alta. Asa c-am invitat-o pe Meredith Chivers sa explice.

Sunt oarecum luat prin surprindere si indiferent de cate glume am facut pe seama omului, parca-mi pare nitel rau. Stirea-i mult prea proaspata si-i de fapt prima stire babana pe care o aflu pe twitter.

I recently got an invite to Shantel’s open air concert here in Toronto, but it was too late and I couldn’t make it. And I remembered Talking Heads.

Incepusem sa discut in articolul precedent etica muncii. Dar mai am ceva de zis, si-anume amintirile muzicale din anii '90.

Trisez. Scriu articolul cu 3 zile intarziere. Dar atatea s-au intamplat in acest rastimp, c-as putea face un blog numai cu asta. Prefer insa sa pastrez aceasta posibilitate in taramul teoriei.

I wanted to write a story on my Targus Bluetooth Keyboard paired to my Galaxy Nexus. It's a less used setup, but likely to become more permanent  due to my laptop / SSD getting busted. What would make a good story? Hard to tell, but it must be something that will write itself; otherwise, I'll have too many double letters and typos left uncorrected.

Intr-un articol precedent, m-am scufundat in niste amintiri din generala. Aici continui scafandreala si aberez despre Calinescu, profele de romana, Love Story si Peter Schaffer. C-asa-mi place.

Much to my surprise, a movie featuring Elisabeth Hurley and filmed entirely partly in Romania has no review that I can find.

Am fost intrebat de unde vine titlul blogului si n-am raspuns, pentru ca raspunsul ar fi fost mult prea lung. Dar la un moment dat ceva, cumva trebuie sa ofer ca raspuns. Am decis sa-ncep c-un articol mai mult sau mai putin enciclopedic despre Nietzsche, Also Sprach Zarathustra si – intr-un viitor apropiat - Zamolxis.

Citeam mai deunazi o lista a motivelor de maritis ale unei bloggerite mai in varsta. S-a maritat acum 20 de ani si este de presupus ca nu era bloggerita chiar de-atunci (jurnalele scrise de mana nu se pun). E interesant.

It has recently come to my attention that today is St Andrew's day and also Scotland National Day. Tomorrow is Romania's. Or, since it’s unlikely I’ll finish this article and publish it today, subtract one day from all the temporal adverbs above. We will also learn here who put the ‘X’ in XXX.

Intr-o zi, cand ma uitam la pornul de dup-amiaza, m-au lovit nabadaile generoase. Da, iarasi. Si-am scornit o noua leapsa, mai non-virtuala si totodadata mai virtuoasa. I-as fi zis "book of love” dar nu suna bine in romana, si-aici maine-poimaine e Thanksgiving. Dar pan-la urma-i zic Book of Love.