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The way I experience love, or at least what most people mean by it, is dumb and I haze it. I get jealous, obsessive, cheesy. This kind of love is not enjoyable for me, likely not for the other and I try to avoid it, yet this is the kind most girls I had dated in the past seemed to want.

As expected, we owe most of our understanding of love to the Greeks, who were collecting words to describe it. Some scholars prefer to talk about four kinds, others five, others seven and some go as high as thirty. Here are the most used Greek terms:

• Storge (family affection)
• Philia (brotherly love, co-workers, soldiers, shared goal)
• Eros (romance, passion, desire, sex, physical, strange)
• Agape (god-love – unconditional, self-sacrificing)
• Ludus (flirting, playful, euphoria, uncommitted, non-punctual, believable lies, lovefool)
• Pragma (mutually beneficial, enduring – e.g., marriage)
• Mania (obsessive or possessive; adolescence)
• Philautia (self-respect)

Hendrick^2 & Slapion-Foote^2 (1985) found (hsf-gdisa) that men were more likely to show the ludic type of love, while women were more likely to be storgic or pragmatic – though their research was done on undergrad students.

Purple haze all in my brain
Lately things don't seem the same
Actin' funny but I don't know why
'Scuse me while I kiss the sky

In his 1973 book (.CA, .UK, .FR, .DE, .IT, .ES), John Lee compared styles of love to the color wheel, basing them on the aforementioned Greek words.

Lee’s 6 Styles of Loving

• Three primary styles:
  1. Eros – Loving an ideal person
  2. Ludos – Love as a game
  3. Storge – Love as friendship
• Three secondary styles:
  1. Mania (Eros + Ludos) – Obsessive love
  2. Pragma (Ludos + Storge) – Realistic and practical love
  3. Agape (Eros + Storge) – Selfless love

Now that we have the basic vocabulary, we should also know that there are a few theories of love.

theories

In general, theories moved from a clinical standpoint to a more psychology and socially-based stance.

• Freud’s theory of love centered around the need for an “ego ideal”, which is the person one aspires to be, patterned after those whom one holds in great respect. (On Narcissism, Bourdieu-Lacan, Freud-Lacan)
• Maslow takes the view that only those at the top of his pyramid (self-actualized) are capable of love (Heylighen, Francis). 
• Reik conceptualized a more altruistic, agape type of love in Being love. (Amir, Mathes)
• Zick Rubin proposed that romantic love is based on three elements: attachment (the need to receive care, approval and physical contact), caring (valuing the other person’s needs and happiness as much as your own), intimacy (sharing of thoughts, desires etc). Based on questionnaires, he determined liking vs loving.
• Elaine Hatfield felt that compassionate love is characterized by mutual respect, attachment, affection and trust while passionate love is made of intense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety and affection. According to her, passionate love is transitory, lasting 6-30 months and it arises when cultural expectations encourage falling in love, when the person meets your preconceived ideas of an ideal love, and when you experience heightened physiological arousal in the presence of the other person. It ideally leads to compassionate love.
• As psychology became more socially based, Sternberg’s (.CA, .UK, .FR, .DE, .IT, .ES) triangular theory of love emerged (not to be confused with Bizarre Love Triangle) and became dominant (w-triang). This theory, illustrated above, holds that “consummate love” is the most complete, as it involves Intimacy, Passion and Commitment. The other types of love involve a combination of only 2 or just one.

The Attachment Theory (w-att) is very important in psychology and it deals with patterns learned in early childhood and how they determine people’s response within relationships when hurt, separated from loved ones or perceiving a threat. Four different attachment classifications have been identified in children: secure attachment, anxious-ambivalent attachment, anxious-avoidant attachment, and disorganized attachment.

If you can imagine the central point of the triangular theory – consummate love – being elevated (through the power of love, of course) out of its planar complacency to a pyramidal vertex and what do you get? Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, of course! :)

Purple haze all around
Don't know if I'm comin' up or down
Am I happy or in misery?
Whatever it is, that girl put a spell on me

Purple haze is not to be confused with Purple Rain.

LE: Two things: I know about the "languages of love" and I think it's BS - the main idea being that most women prefer "words", while men, actions, so there goes that "theory" and secondly, Hendrix probably talks about love as an excuse for getting high with "illegal dreams" which is not my thing.

Sources / More info: inbo-jealous, w-4l, w-gw4l, w-triang, w-att, w-rolo, w-losty, hsf-gdisa

Un articol de-al lui krossfire m-a aruncat in raul amintirilor muzicale si nu numai. Si-am reascultat muzica pe care-o descopeream la sfarsitul anilor '90..

A recent documentary about Romanians and their come on Channel4 was left seemingly ignored on this blog (though announced more than a week ago: 1, 2), so I hereby correct this oversight. The “EAT ME” photo refers to a similar but Canadian story.

Duolingo (invite) sent me a new report placing me in top 1% users, which is a great opportunity to once again look at Romanian radio drama or theatre or teatru radiofonic. Traducere in romana in curand pe pagina de fatacarte Zamolxis.

There was a time when women were dreaming of a “knight in shining armour” but a steady decline in the prestige of shiny things coupled with a long set of economic crises have put an end to those romantic times. Today women seem to want a man who’ll pay and they rely on the State for protection and Facebook and/or Twitter for DIY reputation management (aka PR). A recent article on dating and paying for it (ctch-tspr) reopened a long-forgotten subject, a subject I haven't attacked in a while (since between 12 and 12-B, to be exact), despite a desire and even a plan to do so.

Am aflat recent despre un test care ar deduce daca esti barbat sau femeie pe baza preferintelor tale. Asta-i genul de test care-i oripileaza pe unii (sau unele). Eu sunt insa curios sa identific diferentele. Totusi, nu vei gasi aici un test similar celui cu dreapta vs stanga.

A few worrisome events shed a sick light on press freedom and “deontology”, as journos like to call the ethics of their profession. In short, those in power do not respect or understand press freedom, while quite a few “journalists” and self-described bloggers do not get their role.

Blegoo, previously profiled and published here, took some time off from shovelling to write an article for this blog, as a guest. I’m publishing it here as encouragement (longer version), with the spelling mistakes left uncorrected but listed at the end, and also detailing there the formatting work I (still) had to do.

Azi e ziua patriei, dar cum ii spuneam lui Krossfire intr-un comentariu, prefer o zi rationala uneia nationale. Oricum, el explica tare bine cam tot ce-i de explicat, iar eu n-as putea decat sa repet urarea veche. Continui aici discutia emotie vs. logica, inceputa in prima parte cu Colbert si Adeveria.

In prima parte ne-am uitat la faimosul “test” de dominanta emisferica cu dansatoarea. Continuam sa ne delectam cu alte iluzii optice, si-ncepem sa cugetam la liberul arbitru si viermi de creier.

Sub titlul ''Parerea'' barbatilor din Targu Mures despre femei am gasit recent un monolog aparent misogin. Este recitat mult prea cursiv si detasat pentru a fi ceva spontan, asa ca am decis sa investighez. Am gasit un monolog al Alinei Nelega Cadariu – ea ii zice monodrama: Hess.

My resolve to stop speaking about the difference between Roma / Gypsies and Romanians was recently shaken by an Irish couple, one of whom had a Roma sister adopted from Romania.

A rather popular essay these days is Don't date a girl who travels (link in Sources). Some would use the word "viral" but I'm a mysophobe (aka germaphob) when it comes to travel.

N-am gangurit demult pe seama intamplarilor de-aici, si s-or adunatara multe, asa ca-mi voi da drumu’. Roman cardar, Rosia Montana Redivivus, tiganii Obama, capsunari lefteri, criza care inca nu se simte pe bune, indienii ne invadeaza, online boom, crime si prostii si-n final, festivalul filmului romanesc in Toronto. Ready or not, here I cum!

Aflu de la Simona Tache despre o noua declaratie Becali, simultan razboinica si luminoasa. Si dintr-un foc, public Miorita insotita de traducerea engleza, pe care n-o gasesc intotdeauna cand o caut.

I am EXTATIC!!!! N-am auzit de ea inainte sa fi castigat premiul Nobel, cum n-auzisem nici de francezul care a castigat in 2008, dar cu cat citesc mai mult, cu atat ma excit mai tare! E musai s-mpartasesc ce aflu cu cei 2-3 oameni care ma citesc, poate iau si eu un Hertzer sau un BlogIdol. Voi incepe sa scriu acest ghid prin a face mai mult spatiu sub birou.

Nu cu mult timp in urma, mi-a venit stralucita idee de a renunta la comentariile native Blogger Blogspot si a instala comentariile IntenseDebate. Si-apoi, nemultmumit de performanta, le-am scos si le-am pierdut pe toate. Desi am decis ca voi pastra articolele tehnice pentru alt blog, voi publica o parte aici, dat fiind ca este vorba de sistemul de comentarii despre acest blog si nu altul.