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The way I experience love, or at least what most people mean by it, is dumb and I haze it. I get jealous, obsessive, cheesy. This kind of love is not enjoyable for me, likely not for the other and I try to avoid it, yet this is the kind most girls I had dated in the past seemed to want.

As expected, we owe most of our understanding of love to the Greeks, who were collecting words to describe it. Some scholars prefer to talk about four kinds, others five, others seven and some go as high as thirty. Here are the most used Greek terms:

• Storge (family affection)
• Philia (brotherly love, co-workers, soldiers, shared goal)
• Eros (romance, passion, desire, sex, physical, strange)
• Agape (god-love – unconditional, self-sacrificing)
• Ludus (flirting, playful, euphoria, uncommitted, non-punctual, believable lies, lovefool)
• Pragma (mutually beneficial, enduring – e.g., marriage)
• Mania (obsessive or possessive; adolescence)
• Philautia (self-respect)

Hendrick^2 & Slapion-Foote^2 (1985) found (hsf-gdisa) that men were more likely to show the ludic type of love, while women were more likely to be storgic or pragmatic – though their research was done on undergrad students.

Purple haze all in my brain
Lately things don't seem the same
Actin' funny but I don't know why
'Scuse me while I kiss the sky

In his 1973 book (.CA, .UK, .FR, .DE, .IT, .ES), John Lee compared styles of love to the color wheel, basing them on the aforementioned Greek words.

Lee’s 6 Styles of Loving

• Three primary styles:
  1. Eros – Loving an ideal person
  2. Ludos – Love as a game
  3. Storge – Love as friendship
• Three secondary styles:
  1. Mania (Eros + Ludos) – Obsessive love
  2. Pragma (Ludos + Storge) – Realistic and practical love
  3. Agape (Eros + Storge) – Selfless love

Now that we have the basic vocabulary, we should also know that there are a few theories of love.

theories

In general, theories moved from a clinical standpoint to a more psychology and socially-based stance.

• Freud’s theory of love centered around the need for an “ego ideal”, which is the person one aspires to be, patterned after those whom one holds in great respect. (On Narcissism, Bourdieu-Lacan, Freud-Lacan)
• Maslow takes the view that only those at the top of his pyramid (self-actualized) are capable of love (Heylighen, Francis). 
• Reik conceptualized a more altruistic, agape type of love in Being love. (Amir, Mathes)
• Zick Rubin proposed that romantic love is based on three elements: attachment (the need to receive care, approval and physical contact), caring (valuing the other person’s needs and happiness as much as your own), intimacy (sharing of thoughts, desires etc). Based on questionnaires, he determined liking vs loving.
• Elaine Hatfield felt that compassionate love is characterized by mutual respect, attachment, affection and trust while passionate love is made of intense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety and affection. According to her, passionate love is transitory, lasting 6-30 months and it arises when cultural expectations encourage falling in love, when the person meets your preconceived ideas of an ideal love, and when you experience heightened physiological arousal in the presence of the other person. It ideally leads to compassionate love.
• As psychology became more socially based, Sternberg’s (.CA, .UK, .FR, .DE, .IT, .ES) triangular theory of love emerged (not to be confused with Bizarre Love Triangle) and became dominant (w-triang). This theory, illustrated above, holds that “consummate love” is the most complete, as it involves Intimacy, Passion and Commitment. The other types of love involve a combination of only 2 or just one.

The Attachment Theory (w-att) is very important in psychology and it deals with patterns learned in early childhood and how they determine people’s response within relationships when hurt, separated from loved ones or perceiving a threat. Four different attachment classifications have been identified in children: secure attachment, anxious-ambivalent attachment, anxious-avoidant attachment, and disorganized attachment.

If you can imagine the central point of the triangular theory – consummate love – being elevated (through the power of love, of course) out of its planar complacency to a pyramidal vertex and what do you get? Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, of course! :)

Purple haze all around
Don't know if I'm comin' up or down
Am I happy or in misery?
Whatever it is, that girl put a spell on me

Purple haze is not to be confused with Purple Rain.

LE: Two things: I know about the "languages of love" and I think it's BS - the main idea being that most women prefer "words", while men, actions, so there goes that "theory" and secondly, Hendrix probably talks about love as an excuse for getting high with "illegal dreams" which is not my thing.

Sources / More info: inbo-jealous, w-4l, w-gw4l, w-triang, w-att, w-rolo, w-losty, hsf-gdisa

Citeam recent in buda despre o emisiune, momentu' adevarului, descrisa de Buddha. Si nu mi-au placut concluziile si interpretarile lui. Si-n loc sa-i bag un comment, care-ar fi fost foarte lung, m-am gandit ca mai bine scriu un articol in tema.

Recent a aparut in blogosfera romaneasca un articol mai demult publicat. Dar bloggerul care l-a dezgropat (Arhi) l-a tradus intr-un stil mai mult vesel (gay) decat informativ. Si-n traducere, ai devenit gay daca ai inelarul mai mic, ceea ce nu-i pe de-a-ntregul adevarat.

I keep reading about Romanian Police incompetence and I can tell you that I’ve seen far worse here in Toronto. I learned about former cop and current “forensic psychologist” Butoi telling us why a living girl’s carbonized remains ended up in a barrel (cf Romanian “butoi”). And beyond all these facts, inadequacies and incompetence, the question we want to answer even though we know we can’t is why?

Am dat-o cu Miorita hindusa, l-am introdus pe Campbell s-ale sale multe fete in lumina reflectorului, a mai ramas sa-i prezentam pe cei ramasi in umbra, care-au lucrat intr-una pe tacute dar n-au ajuns niciodata asa proeminenti precum Campbell.

Ajung la in-validarea propriu-zisa. Dupa ce l-am amusinat nitel pe Chomsky si cateva din documentarele si dezbaterile sale, m-am gandit ca n-ar strica sa ne uitam si la niste scurt-metraje, cu atat mai mult cu cat am pornit la scrisul acestui articol cu acestea-n minte.

I recently commented elsewhere on the sense of existence and even read a diaspora blog, and before I forget, I mirror here my thoughts for all the English-speaking world to marvel. If I were to summarize the teachings of this Zen piece, it’d be “survival implies constant self-deceit.”

Am scris recent un articol despre primul meu sarut - mai bine-zis, am publicat un eseu scris acum cativa ani pentru un curs de franceza. Daca in prima parte am descris primul meu sarut in franceza (fara sa fi fost French Kiss :), aici descriu un studiu si dau cateva sfaturi.

Cineva s-a gandit sa-mi trimita o poza la un concurs, chestie care-mi pare amuzanta, fiindca astfel de concursuri nu sunt de obicei castigate de pozele bune ci de hackerii care stiu sa fure voturi. Ca si alegerile irt (din viata reala) de altfel.

Ma bateau zilele astea niste ganduri. Si eu pa ele.

Some recent Romanian news led me to consider the possibility that many Romanian men suffer from an undiagnosed affliction: Uterus envy. Let us together discover what that means, and how this was already named “womb envy” by a psychoanalyst named HORNEY.

Continui povestea copacilor copilariei impletita cu extrase din tragi-comedia comunitara. In prima parte ne-am uitat la copaci mai indeaproape; aici privim mai mult oamenii. Daca la inceput paralelele erau apropiate, aici sunt pe continente diferite.

@BAndreescu_ (#BiancaAndreescu, ofc) catapulted herself so fast to stardom that I am having difficulties forming a mental picture of her. And so are most of her new fans, attracted to her rising star like loving insects to the blinding light. I’ll be giving you 3 reasons, not counting the intro, but if you can only remember / have time for one, remember creative visualization.

N-am avut ce face si-am intrat pe site-ul lui arhi intr-o “discutie” la care am raspuns deja in articolul precedent. Cum era probabil de asteptat, discutia a ajuns iar la argumente pro si contra homosexualitatii. Acest articol este in linii mari un experiment - merita sa faci "gugal risarci" pentru altii? Vor reusi sa parcurga informatia?

Only recently have I discovered the "Superscrieri Prizes" and I thought I share it with you – it’s quite interesting.

"O femeie" ridica niste probleme foarte interesante ca raspuns in articolul precedent din serie, motiv pentru care ma vad nevoit sa le raspund. Si cum raspunsul meu este cel putin la fel de lung pe cat comentariul dumneaei, il pun intr-un articol.

Am invatat recent un cuvant nou: lindic. Inseamna clitoris. Gandul mi-a fugit la Senno Ekto Gamat si scena cu “multipass”, unde o putem vedea si pe viitoarea solista Zu-Bisou-Bisou ca vanzatoare de belete (btw, cuvantul “gynocracy” este introdus tot in serialul antementionat de catre secretarul britanic in sezonul anterior); am inceput apoi sa-mi pun tot felul de intrebari si sa caut raspunsuri.

Ultimul articol krossfire mi-a trezit amintiri din copilarie, si una mai recenta, cu concerte si declansatori-initiatori-vanzatori. Si din concerte-n dansatori, ajung la trendsetter-i, seth godwin, kenn si malcolm gladwell. 

In a significant development, the full transcript of the 112 calls by the last victim, Alexandra Măceșanu, has been published. It is unclear to me if these are the official transcripts or rather what some of those who have listened may have remembered or clandestinely recorded. I do not expect that the official transcripts are any different and I am publishing them along with the censured victim-blaming comments made in 2010 by Tudorel Butoi, who continues to provide his “expert opinion” in TV shows.

Noam Chomsky este cel mai cunoscut dissident American. Spre deosebire de dizidenti in alte state, este viu, nevatamat, scrie carti, da interviuri, preda la facultate, calatoreste si viata nu i-a fost niciodata in pericol. M-am gandit c-ar fi instructiv sa ne uitam la cateva citate care pot – sau nu – sa fie relevante la situatia actuala a Romaniei.