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The current culture clash about some Norwegian child welfare agency having seized a Romanian couple’s children over physical discipline and the ensuing protests coming mostly from religious groups has a recognizable background: it’s a rehashing of the century-old conservative vs liberal quarrel. I have respect and admiration for Norway and their altruistic, enlightened and generous foreign policy and foreign aid, but this case may be more than just that.

Tocmai a fost dat publicitatii un studiu facut pe orfanii din Romania. Vad ca nimeni n-as scris despre asta, asa ca ma grabesc s-o fac eu.

One of my favourite recipes from childhood was 'mazare cu carne' or green peas with some kind of meat, usually veal. As I (re)discovered two bags of frozen green peas in my freezer, I figured it's time to either revisit those or try something new.

I really don’t have the time for this, but yet again, someone on the internets is wrong.

"O femeie" ridica niste probleme foarte interesante ca raspuns in articolul precedent din serie, motiv pentru care ma vad nevoit sa le raspund. Si cum raspunsul meu este cel putin la fel de lung pe cat comentariul dumneaei, il pun intr-un articol.

Yet another childhood photo is stirring up memories. This time is with colleagues and friends, rather than teachers.

We were talking about stories never told and she confessed some early childhood game she used to play. As she had never told anyone, it took her a while and lots of encouragement to write it.

This could very well be a paid post, but it's not (unless you consider a free concert and a couple of Pepsi bottles as 'payment'). I was just passing by their tent and the music caught my ear; I enjoyed it while watching a cover of Talking Heads (Psycho Killer). All in all, a great opportunity to reminisce on what Pepsi meant in my childhood.

It’s been a while since we haven’t talked about poverty in Romania and solutions. A recent “debate” caused by an over-the-top article on not giving money to the poor gives us a chance to look at it again and also address our reticence with BDSM practices.

M-am gandit sa operez cateva schimbari in modul cum particip cu PA-uri. Vorba ceea: "Ce faci @zaMOCA?" "No binie ma, uitie.. sad si-am zas" :)

There was a time when I was a virgin (well, I still am, but on my blog I like to pretend otherwise, maybe I’ll hook up with one of the supermodels with adventurous lives who read it). I thought I tell you some stories from those times - but I have to warn you: you might end up wishing you didn’t read it. I shall call this series “Intimations from the Age of Innocence.”

I continue with my answer to a friend, started in asa.zamo.ca/immigrate2canada.

One of the best known Romanian folk stories is that of "Human Stupidity", as told by a Romanian bard from Moldova, Ion Creanga – famous for his “Recollections from Childhood”. I haven't found an English translation online, so I decided to translate it myself with the help of Google.

The way I experience love, or at least what most people mean by it, is dumb and I haze it. I get jealous, obsessive, cheesy. This kind of love is not enjoyable for me, likely not for the other and I try to avoid it, yet this is the kind most girls I had dated in the past seemed to want.

As expected, we owe most of our understanding of love to the Greeks, who were collecting words to describe it. Some scholars prefer to talk about four kinds, others five, others seven and some go as high as thirty. Here are the most used Greek terms:

• Storge (family affection)
• Philia (brotherly love, co-workers, soldiers, shared goal)
• Eros (romance, passion, desire, sex, physical, strange)
• Agape (god-love – unconditional, self-sacrificing)
• Ludus (flirting, playful, euphoria, uncommitted, non-punctual, believable lies, lovefool)
• Pragma (mutually beneficial, enduring – e.g., marriage)
• Mania (obsessive or possessive; adolescence)
• Philautia (self-respect)

Hendrick^2 & Slapion-Foote^2 (1985) found (hsf-gdisa) that men were more likely to show the ludic type of love, while women were more likely to be storgic or pragmatic – though their research was done on undergrad students.

Purple haze all in my brain
Lately things don't seem the same
Actin' funny but I don't know why
'Scuse me while I kiss the sky

In his 1973 book (.CA, .UK, .FR, .DE, .IT, .ES), John Lee compared styles of love to the color wheel, basing them on the aforementioned Greek words.

Lee’s 6 Styles of Loving

• Three primary styles:
  1. Eros – Loving an ideal person
  2. Ludos – Love as a game
  3. Storge – Love as friendship
• Three secondary styles:
  1. Mania (Eros + Ludos) – Obsessive love
  2. Pragma (Ludos + Storge) – Realistic and practical love
  3. Agape (Eros + Storge) – Selfless love

Now that we have the basic vocabulary, we should also know that there are a few theories of love.

theories

In general, theories moved from a clinical standpoint to a more psychology and socially-based stance.

• Freud’s theory of love centered around the need for an “ego ideal”, which is the person one aspires to be, patterned after those whom one holds in great respect. (On Narcissism, Bourdieu-Lacan, Freud-Lacan)
• Maslow takes the view that only those at the top of his pyramid (self-actualized) are capable of love (Heylighen, Francis). 
• Reik conceptualized a more altruistic, agape type of love in Being love. (Amir, Mathes)
• Zick Rubin proposed that romantic love is based on three elements: attachment (the need to receive care, approval and physical contact), caring (valuing the other person’s needs and happiness as much as your own), intimacy (sharing of thoughts, desires etc). Based on questionnaires, he determined liking vs loving.
• Elaine Hatfield felt that compassionate love is characterized by mutual respect, attachment, affection and trust while passionate love is made of intense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety and affection. According to her, passionate love is transitory, lasting 6-30 months and it arises when cultural expectations encourage falling in love, when the person meets your preconceived ideas of an ideal love, and when you experience heightened physiological arousal in the presence of the other person. It ideally leads to compassionate love.
• As psychology became more socially based, Sternberg’s (.CA, .UK, .FR, .DE, .IT, .ES) triangular theory of love emerged (not to be confused with Bizarre Love Triangle) and became dominant (w-triang). This theory, illustrated above, holds that “consummate love” is the most complete, as it involves Intimacy, Passion and Commitment. The other types of love involve a combination of only 2 or just one.

The Attachment Theory (w-att) is very important in psychology and it deals with patterns learned in early childhood and how they determine people’s response within relationships when hurt, separated from loved ones or perceiving a threat. Four different attachment classifications have been identified in children: secure attachment, anxious-ambivalent attachment, anxious-avoidant attachment, and disorganized attachment.

If you can imagine the central point of the triangular theory – consummate love – being elevated (through the power of love, of course) out of its planar complacency to a pyramidal vertex and what do you get? Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, of course! :)

Purple haze all around
Don't know if I'm comin' up or down
Am I happy or in misery?
Whatever it is, that girl put a spell on me

Purple haze is not to be confused with Purple Rain.

LE: Two things: I know about the "languages of love" and I think it's BS - the main idea being that most women prefer "words", while men, actions, so there goes that "theory" and secondly, Hendrix probably talks about love as an excuse for getting high with "illegal dreams" which is not my thing.

Sources / More info: inbo-jealous, w-4l, w-gw4l, w-triang, w-att, w-rolo, w-losty, hsf-gdisa

Though inordinate, this childhood memory was quite far from being an extraordinary event, and as such, I wasn't going to write about it. But a recent, excellent article but this quasi-famous disciple of an even more famous philosopher caused me to reconsider and share this story with you.

I keep reading about Romanian Police incompetence and I can tell you that I’ve seen far worse here in Toronto. I learned about former cop and current “forensic psychologist” Butoi telling us why a living girl’s carbonized remains ended up in a barrel (cf Romanian “butoi”). And beyond all these facts, inadequacies and incompetence, the question we want to answer even though we know we can’t is why?

Incepusem sa va zic despre Craciun in anul si decada trecuta si iaca am agiuns si la parfumuri.

With all the March 8th celebrations, I got this idea about writing an article about each important woman in my life, starting with early childhood or as far as my memories go. That would take a while.

Am avut nu demult treaba la Toronto Reference Library, adica mama soacra a tuturor bibliotecilor d-aici-sha, si m-am gandit sa va povestesc o chestie c-o blonda. Si cum / care este scurt-metrajul care-a inspirat 12 Monkeys.

Citesc ca peste 70% din parintii romani isi bat copiii, unii pana la moarte. Nu s-au facut studii, dar inclin sa cred ca un procent mult mai mic isi circumcid fetele. Parintii romani par sa prefere pruncuciderea cirmcumciziei.