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The way I experience love, or at least what most people mean by it, is dumb and I haze it. I get jealous, obsessive, cheesy. This kind of love is not enjoyable for me, likely not for the other and I try to avoid it, yet this is the kind most girls I had dated in the past seemed to want.

As expected, we owe most of our understanding of love to the Greeks, who were collecting words to describe it. Some scholars prefer to talk about four kinds, others five, others seven and some go as high as thirty. Here are the most used Greek terms:

• Storge (family affection)
• Philia (brotherly love, co-workers, soldiers, shared goal)
• Eros (romance, passion, desire, sex, physical, strange)
• Agape (god-love – unconditional, self-sacrificing)
• Ludus (flirting, playful, euphoria, uncommitted, non-punctual, believable lies, lovefool)
• Pragma (mutually beneficial, enduring – e.g., marriage)
• Mania (obsessive or possessive; adolescence)
• Philautia (self-respect)

Hendrick^2 & Slapion-Foote^2 (1985) found (hsf-gdisa) that men were more likely to show the ludic type of love, while women were more likely to be storgic or pragmatic – though their research was done on undergrad students.

Purple haze all in my brain
Lately things don't seem the same
Actin' funny but I don't know why
'Scuse me while I kiss the sky

In his 1973 book (.CA, .UK, .FR, .DE, .IT, .ES), John Lee compared styles of love to the color wheel, basing them on the aforementioned Greek words.

Lee’s 6 Styles of Loving

• Three primary styles:
  1. Eros – Loving an ideal person
  2. Ludos – Love as a game
  3. Storge – Love as friendship
• Three secondary styles:
  1. Mania (Eros + Ludos) – Obsessive love
  2. Pragma (Ludos + Storge) – Realistic and practical love
  3. Agape (Eros + Storge) – Selfless love

Now that we have the basic vocabulary, we should also know that there are a few theories of love.

theories

In general, theories moved from a clinical standpoint to a more psychology and socially-based stance.

• Freud’s theory of love centered around the need for an “ego ideal”, which is the person one aspires to be, patterned after those whom one holds in great respect. (On Narcissism, Bourdieu-Lacan, Freud-Lacan)
• Maslow takes the view that only those at the top of his pyramid (self-actualized) are capable of love (Heylighen, Francis). 
• Reik conceptualized a more altruistic, agape type of love in Being love. (Amir, Mathes)
• Zick Rubin proposed that romantic love is based on three elements: attachment (the need to receive care, approval and physical contact), caring (valuing the other person’s needs and happiness as much as your own), intimacy (sharing of thoughts, desires etc). Based on questionnaires, he determined liking vs loving.
• Elaine Hatfield felt that compassionate love is characterized by mutual respect, attachment, affection and trust while passionate love is made of intense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety and affection. According to her, passionate love is transitory, lasting 6-30 months and it arises when cultural expectations encourage falling in love, when the person meets your preconceived ideas of an ideal love, and when you experience heightened physiological arousal in the presence of the other person. It ideally leads to compassionate love.
• As psychology became more socially based, Sternberg’s (.CA, .UK, .FR, .DE, .IT, .ES) triangular theory of love emerged (not to be confused with Bizarre Love Triangle) and became dominant (w-triang). This theory, illustrated above, holds that “consummate love” is the most complete, as it involves Intimacy, Passion and Commitment. The other types of love involve a combination of only 2 or just one.

The Attachment Theory (w-att) is very important in psychology and it deals with patterns learned in early childhood and how they determine people’s response within relationships when hurt, separated from loved ones or perceiving a threat. Four different attachment classifications have been identified in children: secure attachment, anxious-ambivalent attachment, anxious-avoidant attachment, and disorganized attachment.

If you can imagine the central point of the triangular theory – consummate love – being elevated (through the power of love, of course) out of its planar complacency to a pyramidal vertex and what do you get? Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, of course! :)

Purple haze all around
Don't know if I'm comin' up or down
Am I happy or in misery?
Whatever it is, that girl put a spell on me

Purple haze is not to be confused with Purple Rain.

LE: Two things: I know about the "languages of love" and I think it's BS - the main idea being that most women prefer "words", while men, actions, so there goes that "theory" and secondly, Hendrix probably talks about love as an excuse for getting high with "illegal dreams" which is not my thing.

Sources / More info: inbo-jealous, w-4l, w-gw4l, w-triang, w-att, w-rolo, w-losty, hsf-gdisa

In the past few days, most of the Romanians I know received two important gifts: PSD didn’t win the elections and Dragnea, its [widely considered] corrupt boss, was sentenced to jail and went there shortly thereafter. Though I’m not a Dragnea/PSD fan, I find the celebrations a bit empty. What bugs me is that only one candidate answered my questions re: #EP2019, and I fear that the vast majority of voters never tried to clarify the programme of the candidates they voted for, nor have they tried to interact with them. Let's try to find reasons.

I am beginning to see the limits of my enforced-positivity in terms of absorbing and interpreting the current political events. Yet the political situation in Romania is remarkably similar to what’s happening in USA.

This is an (Austro?-)German movie shortlisted for the Foreign Oscar and filmed in Bucharest. It’s great and rated 7.6 on IMDB, with a Metascore of 93. It is also remarkably warm and positive toward Romania.

In prima parte am inceput mai general, cu citate din Nietzsche si o lista iutub. Aici-sa zicem cu detalii si carti existentialiste si general-introductive.

As I’ve done in the past, I am publishing here my resolutions, mostly for this blog and wish all my readers La Multi Ani, Feliz Navidad (better late than never, right?) and A Happy New Year!

There was a time when women were dreaming of a “knight in shining armour” but a steady decline in the prestige of shiny things coupled with a long set of economic crises have put an end to those romantic times. Today women seem to want a man who’ll pay and they rely on the State for protection and Facebook and/or Twitter for DIY reputation management (aka PR). A recent article on dating and paying for it (ctch-tspr) reopened a long-forgotten subject, a subject I haven't attacked in a while (since between 12 and 12-B, to be exact), despite a desire and even a plan to do so.

I watched these days Simona Halep having to retire due to an injury, Bianca triumphing over Genie Bouchard and though I certainly rooted for Bianca, I do regret somewhat both Serena’s and Genie’s respective losses.

A while back, in the “Hier spricht der FerienPunkt, Kostinesti!” article, I tried to figure out the song behind the “Radio Vacanta” generic was and I failed (nor could I find it elsewhere). If there’s one motto to my existence (or at least to my self-image), that’s never give up.

Un articol de-al lui krossfire m-a aruncat in raul amintirilor muzicale si nu numai. Si-am reascultat muzica pe care-o descopeream la sfarsitul anilor '90..

Am avut un New Year’s Eve (NYE) interesant. Am fost in mai multe locuri, am cunoscut mai multi oameni in mai multe feluri, si-am incheiat cu micul dejun intr-o spelunca cu specific cajun, unde-am baut un iced tea de mi-a scos fluturasii din stomac si mi i-a lipit pi cap. Si-mi listez si rezolutiile, da-s cifrate.

A former CNSS (Sf Sava National College / High School) classmate sent me a link to an article about Horia Constantinescu (curi-interlop), asking me if I remember this guy being in our class. In Romanian, “interlop” is used to mean shady/criminal while in English it means “unwanted, persona non grata”.

Spuneam intr-un articol precedent ca nu voi participa la roblogfest si, mai mult, ii voi vota pe toti cei din blogroll care mi-o vor cere printr-un mesaj twitter cu URL. Si m-am gandit - ce-ar fi sa fac din asta o chestie de grup?

After introducing the reader to a Tutea-like blogger (but without the mandibular shaking, and as a blogger, he writes rather than talks), today I was going to continue the cycle of Alexic Danopathy, as promised. Recently, National Geographic has written at length about Trajan’s Column (research first covered a few months ago), and surprisingly, Alexic Danopathy “scholarship” and research is nowhere to be found there. There’s more to be said, but I got sidetracked by his conversation with someone he calls Tartina Lol (caba-tl). 

Citesc ca peste 70% din parintii romani isi bat copiii, unii pana la moarte. Nu s-au facut studii, dar inclin sa cred ca un procent mult mai mic isi circumcid fetele. Parintii romani par sa prefere pruncuciderea cirmcumciziei.

M-am gandit cum sa traduc “self-promoting”, am obosit, si-am esuat in “trufas”, inecandu-ma ca rrom-ul, cu gheata la mal. Am primit care va sa zica aceasta leapsa de la curalelobi, si m-am gandit “de ce nu”, dat fiind ca deja am inceput cu aproape 30 de intrebari si raspunsuri in “Despre” (al doilea link in menu-ul de sus).

While writing about Jihadi Jay Abdo, I had started writing about foreigners who study in Romania and half-way through I realized that this deserves a separate article. I had previously assumed (nature) that the Romanian prime-minister’s (Ponta) many scandals, some centered around his plagiarizing of his doctoral thesis will taint Romanian education and significantly decrease its appeal. Further investigation revealed that many are still interested, although it is hard to determine to what extent the scandals have caused the Romanian tuition fees to be the lowest in Europe, or that is due to other market forces. As usual, the links are listed at the end.

Incercarea de a comanda o carte romaneasca de la “librariile onlain” mi-a aprins niste beculete de ciuda si inovatie. As fi vrut sa pot comanda cartea Nelinistitului, dar in format electronic, ori asta nu-i posibil. Voi explica asadar cum vad eu viitorul cartii romanesti si care ar fi modul ideal de a-mi vinde ceea ce vreau sa cumpar.

Sriracha is a 'sauce piquante', SRI is the Romanian Secret Service, fall is autumn, and in Romanian "picant" could also be derived from 'to fall' which is 'a pica.' We look at the consecutive declarations of Romania’s president, an allied journalist and finally, the candidacies of other president-hopefuls, from the head of the Romanian Secret Service, Melescanu and to the former Justice Minister, Macovei. But most of all, the title is a tip of the hat to Vlad Petreanu and his excellent expose, with a title that translates roughly as “The [secret] Services Autumn.”

In primul episod am inceput cu neuroplasticitatea si acum ajung la Csikszentmihalyi si a sa "state of flow" sau stare de curgere. Nimic altceva decat o Nirvana a productivitatii, sau starea inefabila in care munca se scurge silentios si fara frecare, de la sine.